Reflecting on 34…
Performing with Captain Geech at the Fat Ass 5K
I wanted to paint something last night to try to encapsulate what 34 was for me. What my experience was…
And I went blank. I set my brushes down and the only word I could think of was “whirlwind.”
So, I grabbed my sharpie and wrote down “34 was… a whirlwind”.
And nothing came after that… No words, no colors, no understanding of what I was meant to do next.
That feeling, that was 34.
I set my wine glass on my paper and traced winding circular shapes with interrupting jagged turns. Twists and sharp turns then more twists and sharp turns… That was 34.
Sitting with my sister at the Birthing Cave near Sedona, AZ
If nothing else, 34 was the year of the unexpected. Of both positive and negative unexpected.
Everything I had anticipated from the start of 34 abruptly and jarringly changed. The narrative flipped.
The plan didn’t just change, it was thrown out the window.
34 started by finding out I had been cheated on by my partner. By someone I had started planning a life with.
34 started with my bandmate telling me he needed to be done at the end of the year.
34 started with my world and identity crashing in on me.
My incredible partner Nathan & I on our winter travels.
Just when I started getting comfortable with my “new reality”, 34 surprised me again by bringing back a love from 18 years prior, Nathan. A beautiful new partner that I’ve gotten to develop an incredible life with over the past 9 months.
34 surprised me with the opportunity to join a new group of musicians and have the chance to travel more doing something I love
Then, 34 stabbed me in the heart. I lost my long-held position at St. John’s. The music therapy job I loved deeply. The kids I loved working with. It was all gone with one phone call.
34 challenged me to keep moving forward no matter how broken I felt.
34 required me to get creative, cut my expenses, and expand the services I was offering.
34 offered me the beautiful chance to develop incredible friendships and travel with my beautiful family.
34 gave me new challenges within my body and the chance to learn to love myself more completely.
My friend Rachael & I having a picnic.
34 gifted me the chance to change my life and identity completely. To rid my life of many of the things that had been a part of my world for the last decade. It gifted me the chance to slow down and really consider what I wanted to be, who I wanted to be, and how I wanted to do things.
34 was hard. It was magical. It was filled with exploration and joy and love and sadness and grief and heart-ache and newness.
34 was one I’ll never forget. It’s the year I lost myself and got to learn who I was, all over again.
Dear 34,
Thank you.
With love always,
Katey
