Always Remember How Far You’ve Come

THAT SMILE when you are finally able to do something you love again!

So many mornings, I wake up with a grumbly attitude. Every single day of my life I am in physical pain. It’s easy to get down on myself and feel like I’m not make any progress. Like I should be so much further along in my healing and recovery or like I have no hope at all.

It’s an easy spiral that often starts with one simple thought. When I catch that starting to happen I have to put myself in check. I literally say to myself, “Woah!! Hold up! Remember a few short years ago!! GIRL! You’ve come so far!”

And with that reminder I look at things with a fresh perspective. With new eyes. Many would it be easy to continue that spiral, but I have a SOLID past couple years to reflect on.

A erythromelalgia flair in action -

In February 2021, my body started to shut down terribly.

AND I mean truly started to shut down.

I went from being able to run 10 Miles in January 2021, to barely being able to walk a 1/2 mile without being double over in pain. 

I went from working on backhand springs and yoga hand balances to not being able to lift my cup of coffee or turn a door handle without crying in pain. There were nights where I couldn’t even cut my dinner without sobbing onto my plate I hurt so much.

I had to stop all of the exercise I had loved so much.   Exercise had become my primary coping mechanism. My outlet for all of my stress. My way to get myself excited and inspired. And I had to stop everything.

My heart was broken in so many ways and my body felt miserable.

Through a LOT of tough decisions (we’ll save that for another post), sooo many doctors visits, and a ton of hard work and dedication daily, I was able to begin my recovery.

January 2022, shortly after making the decision to leave my marriage and after moving into my upstairs apartment, I was able to do a push-up again for the first time in MONTHS. I couldn’t believe it. I was so overjoyed. To be able to do one pushup again without being in agonizing pain was absolutely magical.

  I FINALLY felt good enough to resume any kind of exercise.

It took almost a year for me to recover enough to do 1 pushup.

A few short months after doing my first pushup, I was able to go on a climbing retreat with She Moves Mountains. - A HUGE VICTORY!

Since then, it has been a slow progression to re-build strength over the last two years, but that singular moment is one I will never forget. I sat on my floor, crying happy tears because I could do basic exercise again. 

On days where I’m doubting my progress, where I feel like I’ve done so little, where I feel like I’m not doing enough, I look back at this moment. The moment where I was simply excited to do 1 pushup agin. Where I was excited to lift a 2lb weight.  Where I was excited to do 1 short yoga flow. 

THAT reminder puts everything in perspective. I am still making progress. I am so much healthier than I was. And my journey is only beginning.

With love,

Katey